kayliesaurusrex:

gambleorcs:

I was trying to explain to my grandma what being bisexual meant and saying that I looked at ladies butts and she was all
"You’re not GAY everyone checks out ladies rear ends" and my sister was like "I have never wanted to look at a ladies butt"
Later my grandma called me and was like “I THINK I MIGHT BE A LITTLE GAY”

BEST GRANDMA STORY

bobberton:

officialsheogorath:

mecto—amorous:

robots who are really bad at math and when people are like “shouldnt you be good at math since you’re a computer” and the robot is just like “shouldnt you be an expert in biology since you’re made of cells”

I can’t wait till AI tech reaches the point of sass.


retrotrash:

CAN I SCREAM THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS

(Source: sandandglass)

officialunitedstates:

my life plan after graduating is:

  1. get an apartment
  2. find a job
  3. buy a dog
  4. figure out how credit cards work
  5. prepare for the great robot wars
  6. fight in the great robot wars
Hey Theodore Roosevelt, remember that time someone tried to assassinate you, but you just laughed and proceeded to give a 90-minute long speech with the bullet lodged in your lung, where it remained for the rest of your life? Or when you tore up your leg after being thrown into piranha-infested waters while exploring uncharted Brazil? Or all those times you broke your ribs from falling off horses while doing badass jumps? Or when you destroyed the sight in your left eye in a White House boxing match? Or that time you killed a cougar in a knife fight (seriously)? And how the only way death could finally get to you was in your sleep, in the early morning on January 6th in 1919. Here’s to TR as the infinite inspiration for pure, condensed badassery.

fuckyeahhistorycrushes:

alexandraplumpkin:

furnweh:

image

Theodore Roosevelt, October 27, 1858 – January 6, 1919

“Death had to take him sleeping, for if Roosevelt had been awake there would have been a fight.”

Original Badass.

All of our presidents combined can’t add up to how much of a badass he was.

TR Appreciation Post ‘12

Not to mention he was an attractive mother fucker.

(Source: mollay)


ianstagram:

Fun fact there’s a white noise generator that allows you to add a swarm of bees, spooky child giggles, and the shrieks of monkeys over calming rainforest sounds

ofhouseadama:

people spend too much time on strong female character and nowhere near enough on strong character, female 

enattendantlesoleil:

saying “that’s how things are” is incredibly useless when talking about social issues because yes, we are aware that that’s how things are, and we don’t like it, that’s the whole point

congratulations on providing no useful input to the conversation

netlfix:

Not really feelin this whole school college work until I die thing

You Cannot Rest Here

feelinranty:

meeplol:

Have you ever played a video game where you have to sleep to recover? They only let you do it if everything is safe. Otherwise they won’t let you sleep. You’ll get a message, saying “You cannot sleep now, there are monsters nearby.”

Now, remember the last time you just couldn’t get to sleep?

I do.

Don’t you fuckin do this to me

plaineasyandsimple:

this one time a guy in my class was gonna download his presentation from hotmail.com

HE SPELLED IT WRONG

HE SPELLED HOTMALE.COM

HE WAS CONNECTED TO THE PROJECTOR

WE WERE TWELVE

JUST IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED

(Source: thelifeof-moa)